Target In Range, Tail End Charlie Requests Permission To Lay An Egg

On a dark night seventy-one years ago today the RAF bombed Berlin for the first time, shocking Hitler and causing him to order the Luftwaffe to cease bombing British airfields and air defenses and undertake the Blitz. These night-time bombing raids destroyed more than a million homes in London alone and accounted for more than 40,000 civilian casualties. The RAF retaliated at Berlin and Mannheim and ultimately appropriated the Luftwaffe's techniques, greatly magnifying their scale in concert with the USAAF, in the horrific firebombings of Dresden in 1945.

In the pictured diagram one can see the devastating effect of high explosives distributed in a carpeting pattern over civilian targets. The devastation is total, what isn't immediately destroyed by TNT is consumed by ensuing fires. The concussive force alone of many of these bomb blasts was enough to cause buildings not immediately in the path of explosive destruction to leap their foundations and land off axis relative to the street grid. Far and wide throughout cities attacked in this manner scenes like the one pictured were to be found. Once vibrant cities were now populated by a numbed populace unable to flee and accustomed to sleeping out of doors or in underground transit stations as they attempted to reconcile heretofore unknown destruction and loss. Modern air warfare had truly begun, its legacy damning civilian populations the world over to this day.

Morning, Sunshine!

For breakfast this morning I thought, why not Full Moon Over My-Alley? No trip to Denny's required. And with a salad!

A Reader Submission!

A first for us at Gnarly Gnap is this submission from a reader. It is a study in repose: bag of beer-like-drink, right arm and leg flaccid in luxurious relaxation, left arm working to keep out the daylight and squished up tight against the Hallmark Warehouse to avoid sidewalk drivers. And all this on a pink baby blanket to show that this gnapper isn't afraid of anyone questioning his masculinity. The neighborhood works its magic again. Thanks for the sharp shot Reader! We nearly missed it...

Ombudsman's Corner

Here at Gnarly Gnap we aren't afraid to acknowledge errors and oversights. Regular readers might recall a post that touched upon Alcohol By Volume (ABV) percentages. We advocated Steel Reserve as the beverage most capable of nurturing a lovely nap. Well we aren't so proud that we can't report that we missed the King Of Naps. With California having outlawed the sale of 4Loko and like beverages it seemed that the holy grail of 12% ABV in a can was a fleeting dream, let alone for less than two bucks a bunk. We were wrong. (We also know the location of a retail outlet still offering the fruity delights of 4Loko and its location will surprise you. Drop us a line if you missed the Jolly Rancher inflected nap fuel that was 4Loko.)

Today we are pleased to report that this intrepid gnapper has enlightened us to the quiet joys of Earthquake High Gravity Lager enabling us to correct our earlier oversight. Made by the brewers (?) of 4Loko, Earthquake Lager will make you get out of your chair and curl up like a baby. Granted a real professional may still need the influence of a pocket of vodka but when you are living the excitement of your favorite red pimp hat of course it'll take a little more than usual to put you down.

Red pimp hat!

Economies Of Whoah

Not a minute before this nap was captured the empty can that launched this repose was extracted from its bag by an industrious scrapper braving the abundant consequences of the fecal explosion that wore this poor tired gnapper out. That sort of intrepid industry is what builds capital, shows spine and makes the American way the best way. Huzzah for capitalism! Huzzah for get-up-and-go! Huzzah for us!

Slutwalk SF This Saturday- A SternoToast PSA

Dealing with the chronically wasted on Gnap Alley causes one to learn pretty quick that a majority of the princes hanging out drinking, getting high or otherwise likely to drop a nap around here are unredeemed assholes. They get belligerent when asked to clear a door or gate, to stop pissing on a car or to generally take it somewhere else. Belligerent as if it is their right to behave badly on a public street- and fuck you for: wanting to get into your building, preferring your car not smell like piss, caring. A substantial percentage think nothing of verbally accosting a passing woman- all the stereotypical justifications apply. It's this lot that Gnarly Gnap has in its sights.

 

Imagine what a homeless woman faces in this crowd. According to a 2005 Department of Justice funded study* homeless women are two to four times more likely to be the victims of violence than a woman that is not homeless. It is estimated that between 25 and 50% of women who become homeless are on the streets because of violence, either in the home or on the street. Common wisdom for women on the street is to "get a man" in the hopes that the pairing will foster some protection from the dangers that lurk living the ultimate day to day- great if the man she gets isn't a creep. Fat chance in this lot.

To be sure the men of Gnap Alley don't have a stranglehold on sub-par, antisocial behavior; where there is a congregation of princes there eventually will be a princess. But if the alley is a microcosm of all that is bad in the world men are certainly more likely to be predator and women prey. And although a thorough soiling, perforated liver or rotted brain come along with the territory when venturing deep into the wilds of Gnapland, being assaulted, raped or murdered absolutely shouldn't.

* Experience Of Violence In The Lives Of Homeless Women, 2005. Jasinski, Wesely, Mustaine And Wright; Grant # 2002WGBX0013




Gnarly Gnap will return to its regularly scheduled antics as soon as a nap lowers its somnolent head....

Like Waking From A Dream...

Waking is rarely fun- chasing away dreamy sprites and leaving the bucolic meadows of the mind is a harsh toke no matter what the spin. Point is, spinning in your head, eyes twitching while trying to focus on Gnap Alley can really be a bummer. Hope there's a tonic in that bag of bottle- you don't want to do this all over again, again.